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Spare Change: The Whine of the Progressive Voter
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by Ben Tripp | February 5, 2008 - 3:29am

All across America you can hear a high-pitched whining sound. It's the progressives again. The 2008 presidential election was supposed to be the return of the Authentic Left, the revitalization of a slumbering progressive majority that would transform the United States into an Aquarian paragon. One by one, the progressive candidates, the liberals, the lefties, all dropped out, ignored by the press. The last to go was John Edwards, who is about as liberal as the bowler hat-but at least he's not a Stetson. The poor fellow found himself unable to get a moment's media time, than which nothing else matters. So he folded up his platform and went home. Who is left to vote for? Who shall we choose to lead our metamorphosis from 19th century feudal empire throwback into golden land of love and renewal? Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama. We know far too much about the former, and nothing about the latter, except he intends to govern by not doing anything to offend anybody. As far as I can tell, the stealth terrorist Muslim, Mr. Obama, intends to stand very still and holler for help until his time is up. Mrs. Clinton, the radical lesbian man-killer, on the other hand, will certainly polarize the nation by doing everything the Republicans want, thus enraging both Democrats and Republicans. The choice of candidates can therefore be characterized as a man with his finger in the crack of the dyke, and the opposite.

As a progressive myself I am dismayed. But I choose not to whine or whinge. This year, the whining is of the keening, plaintive type, like a puppy locked out of the house. Please love me, the wining seems to say. Please let me love you. We're seeing left-wing articles with headlines like "Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama: Who is Better at "Framing" Progressive Issues?" (Buzzflash) and "The Choice" (The Nation). Both articles can be summarized briefly as follows: neither, and none of the above. There is nothing whatsoever for a real, transformation-seeking liberal to respond to. What do the candidates advocate? "Change" and "Improvement" seem to be their suggestions, although no genuine changes or improvements have been mentioned that even approach the scale of the problems before us as a nation. As always, liberals are doing their level best to put a smiley face on the doings of the Democrats, the closest thing in establishment politics to a left-wing party (just as the right wing is the closest thing to the left wing on a duck). Unfortunately it was Mrs. Clinton's late husband, President Bill Clinton, that permanently locked the Left out of Washington. There's precious little likelihood that she will show the winkiest flash of progressive sentiment during her 18 months in office before she's impeached by her own party. It might possibly be worse with Obama, because even if he's not assassinated in the first six minutes of his presidency, he certainly won't be allowed to govern. In fact they'll be counting the White House spoons every night.

Don't get me wrong. I would be delighted to see a woman or a person of color in the Oval Office. Progressive, remember? But America needs to move well beyond the knee-jerk pocket liberalism that says any young black man is superior to an old white one, and any woman superior to both of them, or we're doomed. England elected Margaret Thatcher to the role of Prime Minister in 1979, and that was a ghastly mistake. Kenya has apparently elected numerous black presidents, and it's not in very good shape at the moment. It turns out, if you really study the matter, that people must be judged upon their merits alone, with no points awarded for gender or race. This is, after all, the leadership of the world's most heavily armed nation we're talking about, not admission to Harvard. I'm all for quotas in higher education. Otherwise we have fewer candidates that aren't old white men. But after that, qualification is everything. I know Hillary isn't qualified, even if she was the first man to scale Everest, and I don't know a goddamn thing about Obama, except he admires Ronald Reagan, a gentleman of the old school that would have called Mr. Obama "boy" and rubbed his head for luck on the golf course.

Still I hear that whining, some of it now directed at me. Why be such a downer? Can't I see the good in anybody? Immediately the arguments begin that a President Hillary would wait until she was in office and then suddenly throw off the cloak and nationalize healthcare and give everybody a year's paid maternity leave. Rubbish. She means as little as she says. Hillary Clinton is as progressive in her plans as Reagan himself, and even those will be too close to communism for the regressive corporate-feudalist troglodytes currently calling the tune in Washington. Maybe Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi will nudge her to the left. Jazz hands! If you like the comedy, you'll love the veal-don't forget to tip your waitress, you've been a wonderful audience. The odds of a single progressive gesture from this Democratic field are similar to the odds of an aphid winning the Kentucky Derby. And yet, as ever, the True Left will convince itself that maybe this time somebody will remember the Rest Of Us, if we just vote and vote and vote for them. This is pinheaded nonsense. The mid-term election of 2006 ought to have taught us that. You can't even get to Washington unless you're entirely ruled by greed and reptile instinct.

Do I advocate throwing away the left-wing vote on some write-in candidate or fringe party? No. Go ahead and vote for Hillary or Obama, as it's unlikely your vote will be counted anyway. Nader is talking about a run. You could vote for him and piss everybody off. But vote. I do not advocate staying home. We participate in national democracy only once every four years, for about an hour. So it's important to do it, if only as a kind of offering to posterity. I will be voting, for example, although I couldn't be more disenfranchised if I lived in Florida. It's the act of voting that matters, the cleansing sense of absolution despite the context, like confessing one's sins to a pederast priest. And of course you can get out there now and advocate for an improvement to the candidate's positions. Agitate for healthcare reform and a withdrawal from Iraq. Campaign for organic food and equal rights. Better schools, less spending on war machinery, corporate accountability, name your issue and go out there and advocate. The candidates may hear you. They may mention your cause in a speech. But in four years' time there won't be any national healthcare, we'll still be ignoring global warming, and I'm guessing New Orleans won't be rebuilt. If only because the country is bankrupt. As for Iraq, as soon as it ceases to be profitable, we'll leave. That's unlikely to be soon.

So that's it, just vote, even though there's nobody worth voting for and your vote won't count? Everybody knows you don't end a piece like this on a down-note. It's not the done thing. You have to offer a promise of hope and suggest something people can do to make a difference, otherwise it's all just complaints and impotent ranting. So here's my sage advice as a devoted liberal progressive type. Given that the race is down to a bunch of Mussolini impersonators on the Republican side and Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama on the Democratic side, realistically, what can we as progressives do besides whine? Rub mustard into our hair. It's as likely to make a difference as anything else.
_______

About author Ben Tripp, author of Square in the Nuts, is a hack in many mediums. He may be reached at credel@earthlink.net.
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Speaking of square in the nuts,,,,

Thats where a dyke can kick you fast for sticking a finger etc, I suggest a strong ideological write in,,Lar "america first" Daly of chicago will be getting mine.

_______

"Let any dissention from the war effort be shown as treason," Reichsmarshall Hermann Goering 1941

bromhead's picture
Submitted by bromhead on February 5, 2008 - 3:50am.

mustard in your hair???

It would be closer to the real experience of voting if you rubbed jalapeno juice in your crack.

"It's the act of voting that matters, the cleansing sense of absolution despite the context, like confessing one's sins to a pederast priest."

precious.

"The choice of candidates can therefore be characterized as a man with his finger in the crack of the dyke..."

obama and hillary are not THAT friendly...

But seriously... I've voted every time an election has been held since 6th grade. Every 4th year since 1968 the fascist (nee republican) party has run a fascist proto nazi or a dumshit (or both) and the Ds have run ... a variety of 'trendy' candidates. Carter won as a reaction to the watergate conspiracy (and was ineffective) and Clinton won only because of the intervention of the loopy narcissist ross perot. Otherwise, america would have had an unbroken string of fascist proto nazis for 40 years (and the supreme court would have 8 scalias and the token uncle tom).

I've just about decided to quit voting altogether. Americans are stupid in numbers that I cannot fathom nor that can be fixed. And the corporate powers do not want them to be fixed. They LIKE that the electorate is stupid.

I'll vote this time and write in John Edwards because he is, IMHO, the best one who WANTED to run and would make at least a passable president. I will vote against all incumbent congresshominids because they are all odious, corrupt and cowardly. If the incumbents survive the primary anyway, I will write in a GOOD candidate's name in the general. I am resigned to the senate passing back to the fascists thanks to the stupidity and hubris of bill clinton, the DLC and party powers. I'm resigned to being under the reign of king john mccain the 1st, which has a chance to be a little better than king dumbfuck the lesser's, but given that he has a famously short fuse along with allegedly being certifiably insane, it has a chance to be WORSE. I refuse to think about that.

_______

"We are in the beginning of a mass extinction, and all you can talk about is money and fairy tales of eternal economic growth. How dare you!" - Greta Thunberg

jtree's picture
Submitted by jtree on February 5, 2008 - 4:31am.

ROFL!

Pretty spot on, and this had me laughing my ass off

It would be closer to the real experience of voting if you rubbed jalapeno juice in your crack.

Great comment.

wklstoy's picture
Submitted by wklstoy on February 5, 2008 - 4:46am.

ralph was right

There's still hope. If Ralph finishes "investigating" and runs again, I can waste my vote on the one guy guaranteed to p#ss off the entire Democratic party.

Since there's no chance he could actually win, the MSM will probably give him more attention the Kucinich and Edwards combined.

_______

"'Every four years the mice go to the polls to elect a new cat'"

Gerard Pierce's picture
Submitted by Gerard Pierce on February 5, 2008 - 4:31am.

lol

I guess people really are unfamiliar with what a leader of a movement looks like and does. Did Obama just holler for help on the South Side of Chicago?

illlaw1's picture
Submitted by illlaw1 on February 5, 2008 - 4:45am.

I say we all write in "None

I say we all write in "None of the above" on our ballots. A couple mill of such votes would maybe get some attention.

_______

"Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?"
George Carlin

peasful-amerkin's picture
Submitted by peasful-amerkin on February 5, 2008 - 4:59am.

lol. It would be worth it to see the CNN pundits' heads explode.

illlaw1's picture
Submitted by illlaw1 on February 5, 2008 - 5:46am.

Alternatively

cewillir's picture
Submitted by cewillir on February 5, 2008 - 4:55am.

YES

I voted at 11 o:clock this morning. Dennis was on the ballot sooooooooo, he got my vote. Like i have stated in
my blogs, and in my comments on other posts. Dennis is the only honest person in or was in the race.

__________________________________
I HAVE JUST BEGUN TO FIGHT

samual's picture
Submitted by samual on February 5, 2008 - 5:40am.

If you really want to toss your vote...

Instead of voting for candidates who have withdrawn from the race, or not voting at all, why not vote for Gravel? At least he is on the right (*cough*) side of the issues.

http://www.gravel2008.us/issues

AKRon's picture
Submitted by AKRon on February 5, 2008 - 5:54am.

"Dyke" is a bit over the top...She' obviously celibate

But what the hell, It's softer than C***...which I'm sure many a "Murrikan, lefty or righty, is mumbling under their Big Mac-and-Mrs. Smith's-apple-pie-breaths.
Pretty funny stuff, Tripper.
I Think I'll go green, especially if Cynthia Mckinney gets Kermit the Frog as her running mate!

_______

Papananook da Refusenik

Zappa is Alive in Alaska, Married to an Eskimo Shapeshifter named Nanookie da Whale

papananook's picture
Submitted by papananook on February 5, 2008 - 6:07am.

Great Summation Of Right Wing Talking Points!

Did you finish writing for O'Reilly early in the day, or what?

JMadison's picture
Submitted by JMadison on February 5, 2008 - 7:52am.

I will not rub mustard in my hair

I just got back from the beauty salon and am not about to ruin a fresh dye job.

But thanks all the same for expressing the same level of disgust that I feel for the adynamic duo who are charging for the Democratic nomination.

_______

Screw Wall Street! Save Main Street!

BlueTigress's picture
Submitted by BlueTigress on February 5, 2008 - 8:35am.

Ben!

I just discovered you here because someone e-mailed me the dyke quote. Great article and I couldn't agree with you more.

_______

"Your book is dictated by the soundest reason. You had better get out of France as quickly as possible." -Voltaire

Etchison's picture
Submitted by Etchison on February 5, 2008 - 8:59am.

Gravel

MIke Gravel is still in the race.

Seanm's picture
Submitted by Seanm on February 5, 2008 - 7:32pm.

Personally

If the choice is between taking a small step back from the brink and hurtling headlong toward it, I think taking the small step back is worth voting for.

_______

Gregg Gordon

"Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could do only a little." -- Edmund Burke

Gregg Gordon's picture
Submitted by Gregg Gordon on February 6, 2008 - 12:00pm.
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